Terrible Taglines

Terrible Taglines

By Staff Writer
In April 6, 2011

Ever wonder how some major corporations stay in business? Ever wonder why some no longer exist? Not me. It’s all about the tagline. Not the logo. Not the tweets. Not the sweet interactive website. Not the wonderful TV and outdoor and direct mail and print advertising blitzes. Just the simple phrase that holds up (or doesn’t) the entire weight of the marketing and advertising brand strategy that some creative genius derived from a few random brain synapses. Now, whether this brain function was “modified” or “tweaked” in any way will never be known, but these brave souls slapped these babies up on an art board or in a well-manicured PowerPoint presentation, and a panel of execs gazed upon them, and for some strange reason, nodded with approval! Here are a few of my favorites:

Oldsmobile. “Not your father’s Oldsmobile.”
But it might have been your father’s failing auto company. (My once GM-employed family members, as well as my Aurora-owning mother, do not like this comment one bit. Guaranteed.)

O’Doul’s non-alcoholic beverage. “What beer drinkers drink when they’re not drinking beer.”
No it’s not. BEER is what beer drinkers drink when they’re not drinking beer. They just conceal it in Wendy’s pop cups, Thermos bottles and paper bags. (At least that’s what I did.) Why torture yourself with a mediocre beer taste and not catch a buzz? Speaking of mediocre beer taste …

Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. “PBR me ASAP.”
Yeah it’s cute and catchy but seriously, it’s Pabst! “Kill me ASAP” may have been the better slogan.

Delta Airlines. “We’ll Get You There.”
Hitchhiking will get you there. A Greyhound bus will get you there. Hell, even my father’s Oldsmobile will get you there. 600 bucks for a round trip to Gary, Indiana, and that’s it? You’ll get me there? Actually, you just got me looking up Continental in the phonebook.

Staff Writer

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